I'm more likely to meltdown when I'm around people who I trust. It sounds bad, and like I'm trying to manipulate them, but I'm not. I'm just more relaxed in a way that means meltdowns are more likely to occur if I'm around people I trust rather than people I don't. Meltdowns still occur sometimes when I'm not around them, but the frequency is much higher around them.

If I'm around people I don't trust I'm much more likely to completely withdraw, and shutdown, have everything in my body shutoff. Not be able to interact, because I can't. Rather than an external response, its a completely internal, not able to process, not able to do anything, not able to, not able to.

Meltdowns are an out of control response. They're not something we choose to do. They're not something we want to do. They are when our bodies cannot handle what is going on around us and it lashes out. It doesn't have to be physical, but it sometimes is.

Shutdowns, are similarly an out of control response. They're not us choosing to be uncooperative. They're us not being ABLE to do things.

They both happen. They sometimes vary based on situation. And it really doesn't help to try to force them to stop.

Working on reducing them. ABSOLUTELY. But that has to be done in its own way. Not by saying if you do it its wrong, because we CAN'T help it. We don't like it either.

But things like, learning how to recognize beforehand, when things are building up, and learning how to say I need a break. Learning what are triggers, both of you, learning to not push yourself or push her or have her push herself on things which should not be pushed. Learning when to stop, and how to recognize when to stop. Those are all extremely valuable.

Warning signs sometimes happen. Find those. It won't solve everything, but it should help.

And helping with sensory issues in general always helps.