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~ I am a freak of nature ~
Author Message
Neo Offline
Newbie

Posts: 7
Joined: Nov 2011
#1
~ I am a freak of nature ~

Hello, I am a male in his late 30's who has suffered his whole life. I remember when I was very young, perhaps 7-8 years old, I would put on headphones and listen to music while riding in the car with my Parents, so I wouldn't have to hear and see them chewing gum. Listening to gum-chewing has always been excruciatingly torturous to me, and it has only gotten progressively worse over the years. In addition, when I hear a dog's constant barking, it makes me feel this terrible angst inside, and it drives me insane! There is a neighbor's dog barking incessantly as I type this, and I don't know how much longer I can take it. I remember going to events and not enjoying myself because I seemingly always get stuck with a stupid gum chewer behind me, chewing like a cow in my ear.
A few years ago, a very caring therapist believed that I might be suffering from Asperger's Syndrome, but unfortunately he passed away from lung cancer in 2007 before he could further help me. He has been the only person in this world who has tried to understand me. Not even my Parents understand my condition. When I have told them how I felt about their chewing gum in front of me, they just dismiss it and think I am just being a jerk. Neighbors who are loud and inconsiderate also drive me crazy.
I am a very naive person, and many times in my life, people have taken advantage of me, especially at work. I may look normal on the outside, but on the inside I am way too sensitive. This I hate.
I have always been a loner. In high school, I experimented with pot, and realized this helped to take the edge off of the unease and total discomfort that I feel all of the time. However, I look back now and see that I used drugs and sex to escape from the angst I constantly feel inside me. I tried NA meetings for awhile, but of course these were almost impossible for me as well, with people chewing gum around me and the total awkwardness and angst of talking to people. I have also tried Church, and this helped as long as I didn't have to be around people too long.
I feel alone even in a room full of people. I don't know where to get started to get help. I feel hopeless and helpless. As an adult in his late 30's, I feel that help for me is too late. Thank God I found your site! I was so angry and sad at the same time when I found out that I was not the only freak in the world who was tortured by gum chewing, barking dogs, and noisy neighbors. I think my therapist was definitely on the right track, as Asperger's and Sensory Processing Disorder are both on the Autism spectrum. Does the nightmare ever end? Or does it just get worse?
I am relieved to know that I am not the only freak of nature in the world that suffers from this. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, and at least I know that maybe I am not such a bad person, that perhaps I have just been sick and undiagnosed all these years. That's what makes me angry.

Any feedback & comments are appreciated. I currently reside in South Florida.

Thank you.
(This post was last modified: 11-22-2011, 08:02 PM by Neo.)
Find Reply


Messages In This Thread
~ I am a freak of nature ~ - by Neo - 11-22-2011, 06:52 PM
RE: ~ I am a freak of nature ~ - by teen with SPD - 11-25-2011, 01:24 AM
RE: ~ I am a freak of nature ~ - by Neo - 11-25-2011, 02:48 AM
RE: ~ I am a freak of nature ~ - by teen with SPD - 11-26-2011, 01:30 AM
RE: ~ I am a freak of nature ~ - by Neo - 11-28-2011, 10:33 PM
RE: ~ I am a freak of nature ~ - by teen with SPD - 12-01-2011, 12:37 AM
RE: ~ I am a freak of nature ~ - by Jaffa - 12-01-2011, 10:38 AM
RE: ~ I am a freak of nature ~ - by Neo - 12-02-2011, 02:45 PM
RE: ~ I am a freak of nature ~ - by Jan - 12-02-2011, 07:45 PM
RE: ~ I am a freak of nature ~ - by Neo - 12-03-2011, 07:23 PM
RE: ~ I am a freak of nature ~ - by beck7422 - 12-05-2011, 05:06 AM

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