(04-22-2012, 11:09 AM)heatherv112506 Wrote: She just has a habit of "shutting" down when she isn't used to someone. My cousin who is over 4 or more times a week she still is getting used to. My grandmother can't go near her. Thankfully, I have a pretty understanding family.

I also considered staggering family through out the day but I didn't know if that would be too much on her as well.

I think you have your answer right in your own words - she's not ready for guests and a party until she gets past shutting down around unfamiliar people and learns to cope, and that could be years. A birthday can be very special without a big party and lots of guests; make it a day of balloons and Bubble Guppies (that's a new one to me!) and whatever makes her happy and relaxed for the day.

(04-22-2012, 11:09 AM)heatherv112506 Wrote: Do you all think I should still decorate like I would a party (She loves Balloons) but keep the guest minimal?

Decorate yes, but are the guests to make the birthday girl happy, or the relatives? Sorry if that sounds cruel, but too often it's necessary to do things to protect our kids that others may not understand. Accepting your daughter's limits will improve both of your lives, and that's advice that comes from my own mistakes. At age 10, my son wanted to celebrate with one friend and a trip to the movies, and that went well. At 11, I insisted on a party, and he got overstressed and had a major meltdown. For 12, all he wanted was a trip to the movies and a chocolate chip cheesecake, and was very, very happy with just that simple celebration (and 4 new Lego sets ;-) ).