I only glanced over the other answers (sorry time crunch) but what comes to mind for me when I read about the socks - giving in and saying take them off and the result is still a meltdown saying he can't go to school then.

I am on the autism spectrum- and rules for people with autism need to be clearly spelled out, and also told the exceptions to those rules. I am not saying your son is on the spectrum, but trying this tactic and seeing if it helps - would benefit you a lot.

I can see how if it is the situation that your son sees socks with shoes as a rule, that he could not possibly go to school without socks. In his eyes, it makes no sense for you to tell him he can - it is a rule and no one should dare break a rule (to this day it upsets me every time my mother goes into the checkout line designed for 20 items or less, and she has a couple more - she is breaking the rule. But I no longer melt down because I know it is ok - but I sure don't like it still!)

When I was a kid and had to walk to school alone, when it came time to cross the roads it caused me to panic.

Why?

Because I was taught (a rule) not to go into the road. No one explained to me that it was ok to cross the road alone as long as I was careful because I was older now. I still held tight to the original rule.

So what happened when the little sign began to flash as I crossed the road? I panicked.

Once I was told by a friend it was ok to cross the road - I was still sketchy and scared, but I didn't panic anymore. Then after a long (long) while, I became mostly ok with crossing the road.

My thought is -if you tell your son (at a time he is NOT putting on socks) that in some instances people are allowed to wear shoes without socks or even buy a special pair made to be worn without socks that he tolerates (I personally lived in crocs for years) My feeling is he would not melt down the same anymore. Maybe even begin pointing out people in shoes without socks to reinforce it is indeed ok - "See, others do it too".

I may be wrong - but it is worth a shot. That goes for any other situation that can have flip situations without real rules, but rules he imposed there himself. If it helps, you can diffuse many stressful times in advance