My husband and I are not agreeing on this. My Son is the one who has the SPD. My daughter who turns 4 next month ( we always have big parties 20-30 people ) ( my husband has a big family ). I think we should not have a party. Just do something with her grandparents. Still decorate and all just no big party since her brother freaks out with crowds and other family gatherings we have noticed. My husband thinks we should not punish our daughter, and that we should have the party and if our son decides to get upset and stuff that one of us will just remove ourselves from the party?
Any thoughts??

Can your son spend the day at a friend's house during your daughter's party? Alternatively, I think I would hire a sitter to stay in my son's room with him during the party. We had to do something similar with our daughter once. When we finished our outing, which we thought she was furious about missing, she told us she had a great time with the sitter. She felt special that she had one on one time with someone totally devoted to her care. We set up a little table and chairs in her bedroom, had finger-food snacks and dinner all ready, and the sitter brought special age appropriate books and games to do with her, and she didn't even miss us.

Well, to be showing my age, when I was a kid, a birthday party was your parents having two or three friends over and serving some cake and ice cream. Maybe some balloons if they were going to be extravagant. That would be especially true for a 4yo. Would your husband buy into the idea of a smaller party that might be fun for everyone? Maggie